Boundaries & Codependency

Some of the most persistent complaints that I hear about from clients are the many challenges caused by relationships. Intimate relationships (i.e., family) or work relationships are frequently the cause of great stress for many people. Learning what healthy interpersonal boundaries are and how to maintain them is essential for being able to take care of your self in a relationship. When a person has healthy boundaries, she will not allow herself to be violated or exploited by another person verbally, physically or sexually. This is just as true for men as with women. Often poor interpersonal boundaries come from unhealthy modeling of one’s parents while growing up in a dysfunctional family. Another common reason for porous boundaries is being a Helper or a Pleaser. This personality tendency is usually a compensation to avoid the tension of anger or conflict in relationships that is part of negotiating with others for advocating what is important to you. Learning how to create and maintain strong boundaries builds self-esteem and restores a sense of being personally empowered. If solid interpersonal boundaries are not strong, you can fall into a pattern of codependent relationships and risk losing your self to another person, a frightening prospect. This creates feelings of being out of control in your life and can become very frightening. Another cause of porous boundaries comes from having a strong empathic temperament. People who are more sensitive generally will tend to unconsciously pick up vibes of everyone who is around. This can be useful information if you are consciously aware of what you perceive is going on with another person. It becomes problematic when you are not aware of all of this information about another person (i.e., what they are feeling), and become easily overwhelmed or end up emotionally taking care of someone else’s feelings to your own detriment. Learning how to create and maintain healthy interpersonal boundaries is the foundation for successful relationships. I have written a popular book about this subject and I am well qualified to help you with these issues. Call me at 503-370-4546 to set up an appointment.